


i'm not going anywhere.

by lucishole



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hell, Hell Loops (Lucifer TV), Hugs, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28261425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucishole/pseuds/lucishole
Summary: when lucifer gets stuck in a hell loop, chloe does everything she can to break him out.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 1
Kudos: 115





	i'm not going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> this started as a little idea i thought up on twitter about what might happen if chloe had to break lucifer out of a hell loop, i started writing it, left it for two months, finally came back to it, and it ended up much longer than i was expecting. (i never thought of or wrote a specific reason why lucifer is back in hell/got stuck in a loop, but it's set post s5a.)
> 
> all mistakes are my own and i welcome any criticism you're willing to give! my twitter handle is the same as on here, enjoy <3

his loop started incredibly morbid. for ages, he hurt her over and over again in a hundred different ways. he yelled till his vocal chords were shot, begging and pleading with her to leave him, but she just stood there and took it, until eventually, she disappeared. 

the few moments where she was gone were debatably the worst of them all. they let him hope that it was over. but that hope was destroyed when she reappeared at the elevator a few moments later. 

he was unable to stop himself from hurting her, but it was simply too much to bear, so he changed tactics. she reappeared and stepped across the threshold into the penthouse to find him standing in the middle of the room, his face stone cold. he summoned his other face, the one that used to have her crossing land and sea to get away from him. the one that made her recoil, and look away in horror. 

he mustered all the strength to his lungs that he could and directed it towards her. “leave! get OUT! you aren’t wanted here!” he knew it wasn’t true but he yelled it anyway in the voice that made mortals quiver. before he even finished she was backing away in terror, retreating back into the elevator. 

her hand flew to her mouth, but it couldn’t muffle the cry that she let out. the look of fear in her eyes threatened to break him. 

he had scared her, and on purpose. something he had never wanted to do.

he watched her frantically push buttons in the elevator and back into the corner when the doors began to close. as soon as they did his face melted away and he crumpled to the floor, tears breaking through and streaming down his tan cheeks. that had hurt worse than everything leading up to it, but at least she was alright. 

she was gone for longer than normal. his loop had altered itself to leave him festering in his own guilt for longer, but still far too soon the telltale elevator _ding_ warned him of what he had to do again. and again. the doors opened and she was met with him on the floor. 

“lucifer? lucifer are you alright?” he forced himself off the ground, summoned his face and did it all over again. each time the look in her eye went from concern to terror, and each time he hated himself worse and worse.

(sometimes his loop would catch him off guard and send chloe in immediately after she’d left. he was given no time to steel himself and these extra seconds would allow her to walk the rest of the way over to him. she would talk to him and place her hands on his arms, but her touch was empty and cold, and he always stood and scared her off not long after.)

–––

chloe wandered the halls of hell searching for the door amenadiel told her about. _it will be hard to miss,_ she remembered him saying. every door she came across looked relatively uniform, though each with a varying number of chains and bolts that rattled with the muffled screams that came from behind them. 

she was nervous about coming down here, but amenadiel also said it was lucifer’s best chance, and she believed him. if the king of hell himself had gotten trapped in a hell loop, it must have been a compelling one. 

and there it was. unlike each of the other doors, this one was free of chains, showed the front of an elevator, and had a call button that shined through the ash that threatened to cover it. the occupant of this room was free to leave whenever he wished, but getting him to realize that simple fact would be the difficult part.

she hesitantly reached forward, pressed the call button, and waited. 

–––

if there was a worse word than exhausted, he was it. every bone in his body begged him to give up. every thought and every nerve in his head pleaded with him to stop terrorizing her- but he wouldn’t, it was for the best. so when she walked through the doors once more, he prepared to stand up for the thousandth time. 

“lucifer...” she spoke softly at him when she saw him in a crumpled mess on the floor, and resisted the urge to run to him. she was being cautious, aware that whatever he was going through likely left him fragile. then he looked up to her, face full of anguish and heartache but as soon as she recognized it, it was gone, replaced with the mask of indifference he so often hid behind, and he began lifting himself off the floor.

“lucifer it’s me, it’s chloe. i’m here to h-“ she was interrupted by the shock of his devil face taking over him and his red eyes flaring at her. she flinched, but more in surprise than anything else. she meant what she said all that time ago. she wasn’t afraid of him, not anymore, so she regained her composure and resumed.

“lucifer it’s me, what’s wrong?” she began to take a step forward but stopped when he puffed his chest and sized her up. then suddenly, he was yelling at her. 

“leave! get OUT!” behind his forced menacing expression he was confused. she should’ve been running right now. she _had_ to be running by now. but instead he watched her take a breath, steady herself, and continue. 

“no, lucifer,” she saw him shudder as she went on, “you have to listen to me, this isn’t real.” again, she spoke softly and slowly, not sure how to get through to him. lucifer of course didn’t comprehend her last phrase, focusing on her reluctance to leave. he needed her to go. he couldn’t bear to think about what he might do if she... this time it was him who backed away, trying to put more space between them.

“no you- you must go. detective, please i don’t know if i can...” he looked anywhere but right at her. “just go, get out, i don’t want you here.” that stung, but she knew it was the loop talking.

he kept backing up and rambling until he hit the back of the steps to his bedroom and crumbled onto them once again. with every step she took towards him he was louder and more frantic. somehow she knew what he was afraid of. 

“lucifer, it’s really me, and i know you wont hurt me.” but he wasn’t convinced. it was like he didn’t even hear her. she was at least fifteen feet away from him but he curled further into himself, his knees up to his chest, and his arms around his head blocking her from his view.

“y- you can’t be here, you h- have to go.” he trembled as he spoke, and she noticed the way his breath hitched attempting to hold back sobs. she tried to speak, but each time she did he interrupted with a whimper and shied further away from him. 

she suddenly remembered that he knew physical intimacy better than vocal reassurance. on earth she learned to take every opportunity to remind him how loved he was, and it meant the world to him every time she’d tell him that she loved him. he couldn’t even begin to explain how confused he had been initially, and then how greatly he appreciated her doing little favors for him without asking anything in return.

her acts and confessions, however small, never failed to cheer him up, but even they paled in comparison to how he felt when she simply touched him. no matter how much he tried to deny it, for years he wanted nothing more than to be allowed to be near her, to hold her.

what he didn’t know was just how badly he craved being touched by _her_ . being _held_ by her. he never felt more safe and secure than he did when he was in her grasp or under her fingers, so she channeled every bit of love she could into the way she kissed his chest, intertwined her fingers with the hair at the nape of his neck, or pulled him closer to her as they fell asleep.

he thought he understood physical intimacy before chloe, but the truth was he’d never felt as valued as he did when she would casually rest her hand on his thigh while doing paperwork at the precinct, or when she wrapped her bare leg around his own on a quiet night in. 

towards the end of the first night they’d spent together, she folded her arms over his waist and noticed the split second where he tensed under her arms before completely melting into her. he’d done the same every instance of her hugging him before and after that moment, but she became acutely aware of it that night. she wondered if any of his previous… _partners_ had held him after they were spent. 

“i’m not going anywhere.” she had said, lightly kissing the back of his shoulder with a hint of finality before they slumbered.

so, _screw cautious,_ her head told her. her words weren't helping, and without a second thought she crossed the chasm that separated her and her lover, pulled his knees from his chest, and moved his arms from in front of his head, before grabbing him harder than she ever had before.

his breaths were quick and heavy, and when his eyes met hers, he looked almost… scared. of _her._ which was of course ridiculous, but she couldn’t even begin to imagine the horrors that had haunted him since he’d gotten stuck in this miserable place. 

his arms refused to twist around her despite the urge deep in his heart that wanted nothing more than to keep her close. so he held his arms away from her, terrified of what he might do if he gave up control. his body was rock solid with the exception of the occasional tremors that wracked his entire frame.

she decided she wasn’t close enough, and could still feel him shaking, so she quickly undid the single button holding his jacket closed, and slipped her arms inside till they met in the back and she pulled herself even farther into him, trying to make as much contact through the length of their bodies as possible. 

he continued to slowly pull away from her until he was overwhelmed with something he hadn’t felt in seemingly forever. warmth. _her_ warmth. it leaked from every inch of her skin and his body accepted it willingly. she felt like home.

but wasn’t this home? he didn’t have much time to think about their circumstances before she was burying her head into his neck and holding her lips against his exposed collarbone, and then pulling back just far enough to faintly whisper into his chest while she rubbed his back. 

“i’m here now. you’re safe. i’m safe. it’s okay.” her voice was barely more than air against his chest but he was still able to understand her. “just breathe lucifer.” 

his legs relaxed ever so slightly and she was able to straddle his lap, but there was nothing sexual about the way her knees squeezed his hips attempting to keep him pulling away from her any further. 

she could almost feel him coming back to her, he was so close but her proximity wasn’t quite enough. then as if retreating back into himself he began to shake and squirm under her again, and it terrified her.

_what if i’m not enough to pull him back from this edge? i’d have to leave him here until i find a way out and send down his brother. how long will he have to continue suffering down here?_ the thoughts swirled in her head and then she was holding onto him even tighter, no longer for his comfort but for her own. 

“lucifer, baby, it’s me, it’s chloe. please come back to me. i’m right here, and i’m real.” tears welled in her eyes and her voice threatened to break, and though she tried to hold both back it wasn’t much use. “you have to come back lucifer, you have to. i- _i_ need you back, we all do. trixie misses you, so so much. she used to ask me every day when you’d be back. and- and ella, she doesn’t talk about it as much but i can tell she misses you too. she misses bouncing jokes back and forth with you and… she doesn’t have as much light to her as when you were with us.”

she was rambling, spewing everything she could think of to convince him he wasn’t where he belonged. “c’mon lucifer it’s _me…_ i love you, and i- i’m not going anywhere.”

_" i'm not going anywhere… i'm not going anywhere…”_ it repeated like a mantra in his head as she sobbed against his chest and suddenly his thoughts began to click perfectly into place. for ages he yelled and threatened, and watched chloe run from him in fear. but that wasn’t _her_. it would never be her, not again. even behind his insecurities, he knew that.

this was chloe, _his_ chloe. those _things_ had been merely demons wearing her face and following orders, meant to react in the way that would hurt him most. but chloe had done nothing but comfort him since she arrived, pleading with him to break out of the loop he’d been trapped in. and in an instant he recognized where he was. hell. 

“chloe?” he said, still a bit weary from the realizations settling. she quickly loosened her hold on him and leaned back to study his face. her hands made their way to his cheeks and neck, and when she saw the glint of light in his eyes he’d previously been missing, she let out a sob of happy relief before responding.

“yes… yes lucifer, it’s chloe.” before she could object, not that she would’ve, he was releasing a matching happy sob and lunging towards her, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. her arms quickly followed suit, holding onto his neck while they both buried their heads under the other’s jaw and let their tears fall.

and they held each other, reunited at last for a moment where nothing else mattered, but far too soon chloe remembered their reality and began to pull away. 

she rested her forehead on his and spoke softly, “we should go, before… something, anything else happens. to be honest i’m not really sure but i definitely don’t want you here any longer than you already have been.” 

he lightly laughed at her singular worry for him, though he shared the same concerns about her. she leaned a bit farther back before noticing his tear stained cheeks, and with a feather-light touch she brushed them away with her thumb. “yes, yes, you’re right,” he began, bringing one hand up to hold the fingers she had been resting on his cheek and motioning towards the exit with his other, allowing her to back up from where she was still straddling his lap.

she stood up and he immediately followed, trying to keep her closer than was really necessary. her fingers intertwined with his and her other hand clutched at his forearm, terrified to let go. they walked towards the elevator and entered it in silence, but when the doors closed lucifer turned to chloe with an uneasy expression. 

“chloe, as i’m sure you’re aware, this is quite literally hell.” she had a feeling she knew where he was going with this but gave him a few more seconds to continue before interrupting him. “please tell me you aren’t-” 

“no, lucifer, i’m very much alive.” with that statement he visibly relaxed and gave her that soft smile she loved so much before confusion seeped back into his features.

“then… how?”

“it’s a funny story actually, so there i was, on earth-” and then he was kissing her.


End file.
